Leadership training - Day 1

A bunch of us more wrinkly oranges (wrinkly because "older", "older" because supposed to be more senior mah) were carefully handpicked and sent to a Leadership training course, which was as usual conducted where all the training is usually conducted (that isn't saying much but you guys know anyway).

What a bother, I thought to myself halfway through the morning session. I would rather have stayed in the office doing what all good and responsible Editors do (surf internet lah!), especially with the absence of The Great Tied One and a few other prominent figureheads, which would certainly provide the perfect platform for surfing recklessly and with wild abandon (i.e. not having to scan my small mirror every few seconds or look over my shoulder to see who's behind).

As it turned out, the trainer was not half as bad as I thought he would turn out to be, and certainly improved as the day wore on, becoming a lot better than in the beginning when he assaulted my senses with a supremely fake accent (à la a certain Mr Bong we all know and love) and a horrendously mismatched outfit (purple striped shirt) and a red Mickey Mouse tie, not to mention his propensity for acting like a sweet little girl one minute, jumping and prancing around, and then towering over you like the Incredible Hulk the next, all deep voice and hulking.

Eventually, as the session went on, he evolved a style which reminded us of Austin Powers, especially when he kept going "Yeah, baby!". It helped (or didn't, whichever rocks your boat) that he looked like he could actually pass for an asian Austin Powers, what with that trademark toothy, silly grin, and his bay hiao bai-ness.

Anyway, the highlights of the day are as follows. The trainer, a certain Mr Ng, actually did or said the following:

• kneeled down in front of IL and asked IL to abuse him. "Abuse me, IL, abuse me!!". Good god. The innuendo. If only the Sixpack were here...this was a classic moment.

• mentioned that he would not go out with BB because BB is a really towering, handsome guy, and he would look really bad next to BB. But the trainer really got into his element when he subsequently pointed to BB and said "Seeeee....soooo cute, got a little dimple there, so handsome!", all in a rather high-pitched girly voice. Naturally, he qualified by saying he was "not gay". I don't think any of us are convinced.

• claimed that he once yanked down the skirt of a lady in front of 300 people, and that she was wearing a hot thong. Then asked WM how she would feel if he yanked down her skirt. Was that a proposition? Think a certain motorcyle riding, umbrella wielding Ah Beng from Ipoh is gonna have to pay this particular trainer a visit soon...

Mr Ng, holding a stress ball, talking about squeezing balls. He actually accused YD, albeit jokingly, of stealing other people's balls and squeezing them.

He cuts a dashing figure don't he? 48, single, probably rich, probably not gay, probably drives a expensive continental car, immaculate yet quirky sense of fashion, Austin Powers style of talking and behaving - his dating resume practically writes itself.

Lunchtime!

Mouths full and eyes a-wandering...

RB texts away...must be missing his wife

Picture perfect trio.

And another...

Mr Ng reads out a love letter from one of his fans who attended his training sessions a massive total of 5 times.

Tea-break and BB can't get over the fact that he was just hit on by Mr Ng

RB and MS want to get hit on too, but too bad, no cute dimples on either of their faces (although I might be wrong)

Roars of laughter were the order of the day as Mr Ng delivered joke after joke.

All eyes focused on the front, but actually checking their watches every now and then, waiting for 5pm to come around...


More to come for Day 2...in the meantime don't any of you at work skive just because IL isn't around, eh! Especially, you, ML, stop watching Youtube lah you...and RC! Still surfing for household furniture and appliances arh? BH! Chatting like siao on your Mac right? Heheh...