The Clockwork Orange

Monday, December 11, 2006

The ten Orange rules

Since a new batch of recruits has just entered Orangeville (the virtual one, not the real one - the real one always has a new batch of recruits!), it is highly essential that they be told of the ten Orange rules:

1. No names are to be used on the blog. Please use initials only. This is to render the blog 'ungooglable' to lurkers.

2. Do not give out the URL to random people just because you have a crush on them. Only ex/current/future employees have the privilege.

3. Hey you! Over there! You don't belong here! Giddout! :/

4. Contributors are expected to write posts, not just read others' and giggle. Elf, please note.

5. Be sensitive/sensible before you hit 'Publish'. Your post may offend people. However, as long as it does not offend the two administrators, you're on safe ground.

6. If you do, however, manage to piss off one or both of the administrators, there will be a two-step punishment: (a) First offence - your post will be promptly deleted off the blog. (b) Second offence - you will be promptly deleted off the contributors' list. Do not be alarmed though - these measures are merely a way for the administrators to show off how very powerful they are.

7. In honour of Weird Rule #134 of the Orange building, the posting time of any post, irrespective of when you post, should be 6.03 pm.

8. Even though you have 48 rear view mirrors stuck to your computer, you shall not open the blog in the Orange building in the form of a maximised window. Be discreet. Elf, please note.

9. Delete browsing history, at least every Friday, and before going on long leave. Those who are unfamiliar with technical jargon such as "browsing" or "history" may kindly proceed to the cubicle of Final Proof to get thwacked by a rolled-up Sunday Times.

10. You shall cease to be an administrator if you choose to leave the physical premises of the Orange building. You are however, free to pass on the administrator duties to another person, as long as the other administrator approves of said person. If you join back (as is wont to happen whether you like it or not - you did not read the fine print in your employment contract, didya?), said person will be instantly and heartlessly kicked out and your administrator privileges will be promptly reinstated.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I want to ride my bicycle

Debating about peddling techniques

Orange bikers in the rear view mirror

Biking along

Sunset at ECP - cliche and glorious

Evening bliss

Friday, December 08, 2006

Witness the terrifying toilet woman!

In the carpeted savanna of the MCIS wildlands, one predator above all others rules supreme. Other, lesser predators make their presence felt only intermittently, and sometimes days may pass without so much as a sighting of such lesser beasts.

This is not the nature of the terrifying toilet woman.

Behold! The toilet woman will stalk her prey for days on end, luring her prey into a false sense of security. The hapless prey, complacent and constipated, enters the communal dumping grounds of MCIS. And still, the toilet woman bides her time, stalking her prey while perched atop her metallic roost, knawing at the carcass of her previous kill. The prey, still oblivious to the danger, drops his guard (and his pants), bends over, and just as the promise of blissful relief beckons...

BIANG BIANG BIANG!!! OEI!!! WO YAO FANG SHUI AH!!!*

*Translated: BIANG BIANG BIANG!!! OEI!!! I AM GOING TO WET THE FLOOR!!!

The prey, startled, rears his head in alarm and rises onto his hind legs to assess the danger. At this moment, the aforementioned 'promise of blissful relief' is two seconds shy of materializing. These crucial two seconds will decide the fate of our hapless prey. If he is to live, then he must abandon years of socially conditioned instincts, ignore the hunting cries of the crazed toilet woman and resume squatting upon his throne. If not, the 'promise of blissful relief' will materialize and fall directly into...

PLOP.

In the immortal words of the eminent scholar, DJ Hairspray, ' Oh shit.'

And outside, the toilet woman's tirade carries on...

KUAI DIAN!!! WO YAO JIN LAI LIAO!!!*

*Translated: FASTER!!! I AM COMING!!!

And so turns the wheel of life. Indeed, life in the savanna wildlands of MCIS be fraught with many dangers and much unintended innuendo arising from poor translation.

Quotable quotes from RC's wedding dinner day

In the office:

BB - "Hehehe....continuing from where we left off yesterday, which was to decide on separate angpows after a gazillion emails.....shall we have another gazillion to discuss how and when to get there together......then decide to go separately??? keke."

GK - "It's raining outside."

DK - '' imagine humming to the tune of Jingle bells with Iv** in mind...Jingle (tie) jingle (tie) jingle all the way... oh what fun it is to mark on a half-f*** manuscript heh!''

BB - "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my (&#&!()#!(^#^!*(^(!^#(# pen smudged my shirt!!!! Have to go home and change now. Waliaoeh!!!!!!!!!!! Already super busy lor...........now have to leave early....................Arrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhh (&^#*!)#^*)^#)!#)"

NT - "dude, what size do you wear? Dun need to go all the way lar, can pop by my place for a shirt."

GK - "oh yah can borrow mine. for sure can wear."

In the bus:

NT - "You should not ice skate because ice is cold... and hard."

NT - "And oh, blood bounces off ice."

BB - "Does anyone want to go to MacDonald's?"

MN - "This place sucks!!!!!! (for not carrying TS)"

BH - "Actually... I've not really seen TS in the shops you know..."

MN - "Well then you suck too!!!"

JL - "Whoa someone's getting personal!"

At the wedding venue:

BB - "MN, see that red box where everyone is putting the red packets? That's the lucky draw box."

MN - "Where are the pink boys?"

MN - "Elean's in white! Yippee! Ben you owe me money!"

EL - "But why would I wear red??"

BB - "Because you are...uhhh..."

ES - "We must remember to take the penguin picture."

Everyone else - "???"

emcee - "...Errr....is that how it goes??........So RC is supposed to drink from V cup and V is supposed to drink from RC's cup."

Invitees - "NO!!!! They drink from their own cups!!!"

emcee - "Hopefullly the next time all of us are gathered is when we are celebrating the first year of their first child. There will be lots of eggs and err... other stuff."

And the quote of all quotes... *drumroll*

RC - "Oh... shit!"